Escaping the Muggles

Warning: This post is a little bit disorganised. It is full of pictures though! :)

There is a Harry Potter theme running through my life.

In summer of this year, I worked at Harry Potter: The Exhibition, where I met some of the best friends a person could meet. If I don't say so myself, Potterheads are an amazing group of people - people from all walks of life who get together with nothing but the uniting love of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry binding them.

I currently hold a job at the Elephant House. In Edinburgh, the Elephant House promotes itself as the 'birthplace of Harry Potter' - JK Rowling was known to have sat in the back room of the cafe and written a bit of Harry Potter there. This isn't the only place Jo wrote Harry at, though; the former Nicholson Street Café was also one of the places it is known that Jo used to sit down and write Harry Potter at.

And most recently, I went to the Snow Ball in Edinburgh.

Siriusly Hazza P, Riddle™, The Pumpkin Pasties, and Romilda Vane and the Chocolate Cauldrons

Now, this is a bit of an obscure genre, so I'll explain it a bit - wizard rock is pretty much rock music, but with a wizard slant. Or any other kind of music - acoustic, folk, you name it. You may have heard of Harry and the Potters, who started this whole crazy wizard rock phenomena more than 10 years ago.

One hilarious thing about wizard rock is how much they really don't care about you goofing off - you'll get 30-year-olds alongside 13-year-olds dressing up as fictional characters, and that's all part of the fun! I present, exhibit A: Harry and the Potters.



And they were just the final act in a five-band (sometimes one-person-band) concert. All this, alongside a giant group of people dancing and singing together over screams of:

Hagrid is fun to hug
Hagrid is full of love
Just don't get stuck in Hagrid's beard!
SNOW BAAAAAALL!!!!!

I warned you when I said it was a non-judgemental group of adult Harry Potter fans. I used to listen to wizard rock years ago, so it was really fun when they'd play a song and I'd know the tune and lyrics of it!

By the way, get a load of the costumes some people dressed up in:



I present, Lord Voldemort and Bellatrix Lestrange. Because, you know, Voldemort and Bellatrix. No further explanation needed.

The Snow Ball 2012 was held in Edinburgh University's Teviot Debating Hall, and it was held in conjunction with the Harry Potter Alliance which uses the forces of magic and good to make the world a happier place. The Snow Ball targets Cancer Research UK as the charity of choice, so every time you come to a wrock concert you're also giving money to help someone with cancer.

As part of the charity fundraising efforts, the Snow Ball often includes raffles as one of the night's events. And this baby (in perfect condition, mind you) was one of the things which was on the raffle table. Someone actually donated a copy of the limited edition Tales of Beedle the Bard, and someone won this by buying a raffle ticket.
 

Whoever won this: you lucky bastard.

So in order to soothe the aching hearts of those of us who saw this beauty fly away from us and into the hands of some other (I'm sure extremely deserving) witch or wizard, we ended the night with - what else? - cake. An extremely impressive cake, shaped and frosted to look like Hogwarts Castle - with the right number of towers and everything. That is dedication in the extreme!




Now if that cake isn't impressive, I don't know what is.

After the Snow Ball I decided to join Harry Potter Society here, because as cheesy as it sounds I really do love Harry Potter and I find my kindred spirits when I'm with fellow Potterheads. In fact, I'm so much of a Potterhead that I've got a ton of Ravenclaw things, because I'm a Ravenclaw and Luna Lovegood is my idol (by the way does anyone else think that Sylvia from The Pumpkin Pasties reminds them of Evanna Lynch?)



Yes, back to Harry Potter society: my first meeting ever was also sadly the last meeting of the semester, but I had so much incredibly great fun anyway. This amazing video pretty much sums it up:



Harry Christmas, everyone.

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Fin, or 'the end'

11 November 2012
2.30AM
I think we just scared the living daylights of an old woman who was walking home. We were trying to find our way to the station, and we saw her walking past; Jasmine shouted "Excuse me can you-" whereupon she promptly waved her hand at us and started walking faster. I do believe she was genuinely frightened of us, until I shouted "La gare, la gare!!!" and she slowed down.

Frighten an old lady - tick one off the list.

She was really lovely though, she let us follow her all the way because she lives somewhere near the station, so we walked "en route ensemble" until we were near the station. I also tried making small talk with her, but my French still isn't that great so I was only able to really start talking when she asked if I like music.

We're going to the Grande Hôtel Mouscron, because we are exhausted. How is it that by 2.30AM of the third day we are still stuck here in Belgium, when the organisers said we'd probably be in Amsterdam by evening yesterday?

2.55AM
This is hands down the dodgiest hotel I've ever been in. I managed to bargain the price of the room (in French) from €75 to €45 for three people. This just screams 'dodgy' it really does - the carpet looks like it could do with a new cover, and the wallpaper is old and awful. The bathroom is horrible, the toilet doesn't work properly and the mirror has that black growth you see on old mirrors, the tile looks awful and... You get the point.

But I think we're all so exhausted we don't really care.

I'm really looking forward to taking my reindeer costume off at long last. I'm not liking it so much anymore - this costume makes me want to burn it and throw its ashes into the sea.

At least the sheets look clean and the room is warm, oui?



Karan's checking train timings to Amsterdam, I don't think we're going to do the car-hitch thing any more, we're all that exhausted.

Goodnight everyone.

9.30AM
Holy holy holy we were all so exhausted we nearly overslept our train from Mouscron back to Lille. Train's at 10AM and why are we still in bed at this hour?!?! KARAN JASMINE WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!!!

By the way, I was wrong about the sheets - I didn't notice them last night because I was so tired, but I'm pretty sure those are stains I see on the underside. Oh god. I can't believe we slept in those things and actually put money down for them. Good god.

I guess we have time for some final photographs to document this dodgiest of hotels.



We're just paying for train tickets from here on out - we've had enough of hitching for a while.



1PM
We're in Brussels, Belgium, where we have to transfer trains, and we've got about half an hour in between our trains so we're walking around the station and looking around. LOOK WHAT WE FOUND!



Everyone knows that chocolate is the ultimate in happiness, don't they? So they'd be perfect for three exhausted hitchers, yes? Of course they're perfect. I mean, come on, look at them - every single piece polished to perfection. They're perfect. All perfect. So shiny. So delicious.



We bought a bag of them, even though they are really expensive - it's about €1 a piece, I think. That is pricey, for chocolate... But it is Belgian chocolate. So...



4.30PM
We are finally in Amsterdam!!!!!!! And by god I don't think I've ever been so happy to get anywhere, or to be anywhere.

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So you know what, we didn't make it all the way, hitchhiking to Amsterdam. But we did hitchhike all the way to Mouscron, which I'll say is pretty damn awesome. That's a good 810km that we made it without paying a penny.

It was tough, and there were several points I seriously questioned what I was doing with my life and wondered why I was even doing this in the first place and so many times I wanted to give up.

I'm not going to end this one off with another sappy "I wouldn't have done it any other way" - the next time I go hitchhiking, I'm going to do it better. This crazy hitch has taught me a lot about how to get a ride, and when to take it easy. But, mark my words - there will be another hitch.

I don't think I've had quite enough yet of this mad adventure and excitement.

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At wit's end

This is the face of an exhausted hitchhiker wearing a reindeer costume and high-visibility vest.

10 November 2012
5.30PM
We're on French soil!!!!! Our German driver dropped us off at the Port of Dunkerque customer services, so now we've just got to make our way to the main city. We're on the European mainland this takes the hike to a whole new level!!!

5.45PM
Oh god. Where the hell is the main city?!

I'm really glad I took French 1 at school, by the way. I've never been more glad that I know how to hold a decent conversation, and at least take and follow directions in French. These people become so much more helpful the moment you show that you can speak their language. Now all we've got to do is go to the roundabout, make a right, and follow the straight road for 15 minutes until we hit the hotel.

6PM
So... We got the roundabout and followed it until we got to another roundabout, and now we don't know which way to go. There's a sign that points to the expressway we're supposed to be following, but that road is absolutely pitch black and I'm extremely hesitant about going anywhere near it. I mean, really, really dark. The kind of dark that makes your mind think it's hiding murderers and rapists by the side of the road.

Or maybe I've just been playing too much Cause of Death.

6.30PM
Where did all the vehicles go?! Why is it so goddamn quiet?!?!? Okay, okay. We're just going to say to hell with it and walk down that pitch black road. Never mind that there's a sign by the side of it that says 'danger' and it's got one a sign that's got a cross on it and I'm quite sure it means something like 'do not enter' and we're walking on a train track. Never mind. WE'RE GONNA DO IT.

Taking out the torchlights and high-visibility vests. See, I told you it would come in handy at some point!!!!

6.45PM
Will someone tell me why this country has so many goddamn roundabouts?!

7PM
Kids, we've hitched a bus. A BUS. Not a truck, not a car, but a BUS. I love France.

A nice French bus driver offered to take us way out of his route to drop us off in a place where there's some form of civilisation. I mean, the little LED sign thingy even says "detour" that's how far off he's going. I'm so happy right now. So happy to return to civilisation.



8.30PM
Hitching another bus!!!! We're on our way to Dunkerque station!!! Once again I am glad for my ability to speak French in France. "Nous sommes faire du stop, et nous ne pouvons pas faire d'argent... Ça c'est pour charité..."

Pardon my horrible French grammar. But it gets the message across.

9.30PM
Dunkerque train station, we have arrived! We have to get to Lille so that we can transfer to another train that goes to Amsterdam. The question is, how do we hitch a train to Lille?

10.10PM
We're on the train and it looks like luxury. The train left at about 9.50PM, ish, and we're just hoping that no conductor comes by because we haven't got tickets. We'll just explain that it's a charity hitchhike and everything, and it should be cool right? Yes. It shall go smoothly.



10.15PM
Uh-oh. Conductor's here.

10.30PM
Weeeeeeeell... That was interesting. So I basically said "Nous sommes etudiantes d'Université d'Edimbourg, et nous sommes faire du stop pour charité a Amsterdam... Nous ne pouvons pas faire d'argent..." "We are students from the University of Edinburgh, and we're hitchhiking for charity to Amsterdam... We can't pay for anything..." Same lines I've been repeating all evening. I know, it makes us sound like lazy hobos, but most lazy hobos don't wear reindeer costumes I think.

And he asked for our student cards (fair enough, to prove that we are indeed students) and our passports (fair enough, too). And then he wrote us fines, but didn't make us pay anything.

So he fake-fined us, then wished us good luck for that we'd get to Amsterdam safe and sound.

I love these French train conductors.

11PM
We are in Lille, and I cannot for the life of me figure out how to proceed from here since we are once again in the heart of the city. The admin team in Amsterdam texted to say that we should take the Metro line 2 out to the edge of Lille, and then try to hitch from the side of the expressway there. That's exactly what we're going to do.

11.30PM
We bumped into a group of French teenagers, coming out of the metro, and I could swear they were high on weed (we could smell it on them). I tried to ignore them at first, but they followed behind us and they started harassing Karan and Jasmine so I decided to stop pretending I couldn't understand them. Which is when one of them told me "tu es très charment mademoiselle" and that was rather flattering, even coming from a guy high on weed. They don't call the French les amoureux for nothing.

And they gave us instructions on how to get across to Belgium - straight on and turn right at the Carrefour, then follow the road in that direction. Guess they were rather nice after all.

11 November 2012
12AM
I'm pretty sure that at some point we walked across the French-Belgian border on foot. I'm not sure when, but I'm starting to see signboards in not-French, which means it's probably Dutch or Flemish or whatever languages they speak in Belgium.

Yeah... I just walked across a national boundary on foot. Are we awesome or what?

1.30AM
So far, we've been trying to hitch by the side of this road for what seems like forever, and the only two cars that've stopped have been cars full of boys who I swear were high on something. It's not turning out to be a very good night. We're next to a car showroom, me wearing my bright high-visibility vest, and all I want to do is walk into that showroom, get a car, and drive all the way to Amsterdam. There's a reason I've got a driving license!

2AM
More police cars. I guess it was bound to happen, three dodgy people in reindeer and dinosaur costumes by the side of a Belgian road at 2AM in the morning trying to hitchhike to Amsterdam. They asked to see our passports, too - just to make sure we're not weird illegal immigrants or something, I guess. They are driving us to a hotel or somewhere we can spend the night before trying for another hitchhike tomorrow morning.

2.15AM
Mother of all luck - the hotel the police dropped us off at is full. FULL. No rooms. Time to try a different one. I'm so exhausted now, I tried speaking in English to the receptionist but he didn't understand at all - so then I had to switch to French.

I'm actually really surprised at how fast my French is improving here, I still don't understand everything extremely well on the first go, but even only having been in French-speaking lands for a few hours I'm already starting to understand people really quickly.

Anyway, he's giving us directions to another hotel where we can go try our luck. More walking it is, then...

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Getting a move-on

10 November 2012
1AM
Danica's Track My Tour was updated to say she and Susan are in a cattle truck, going from York all the way to Dover. I am so jealous. YORK TO DOVER?!?!?!?!? That's some incredible luck right there. I bet it's karma because Karan was making faces at the teams we passed on the A1 in the afternoon.

Anyway we've been in the cafeteria here for ages now. I'm ready to spend the night sleeping here. Goodness knows I need a break. We're unabashedly charging our phones at the power points - smartphones are energy guzzlers, and we need these phones to last as long as we can. So I'm just gonna charge them out in the open and I don't care how cheap it makes us look. No shame.



2AM
What just happened?! We were waving our whiteboard outside when a police car came up and asked what we were doing trying to get a hitch to London at 2AM, and then they said they'd try to arrange for a bit of help for us to get a bit further south. We're going all the way to Grantham! In a police car!!!!!!! AT 2AM IN THE MORNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I apologise. I'll stop overdoing the exclamation marks now.

You have no idea how grateful I am to be going somewhere. Anywhere. I don't even know where Grantham is. (Note to self: look it up in the AA road map later.)

2.45AM
The policemen were really funny - one of them showed us a video of his daughter performing at a school singing contest. They're such nice and friendly people. Who would have thought policemen would pick us up? It's such a different kind of police culture from Singapore, here, I feel like they feel properly committed to helping people in England (even weird Asian hitchhikers trying to make it across four countries!).



Anyway we're in Grantham now and it doesn't seem like anyone is here at all. We've stood outside at the petrol station trying to get vehicles to pick us up, but doesn't seem like we're getting much luck at all. We're gonna call it a night and pick up again round 5.30AM, I think. Need some rest. I'm exhausted.

5.15AM
I woke up before my alarm went off. I'm so glad I had those couple hours of rest. Brushing my teeth for the first time in what feels like forever - I feel grimy and gross after having been out and hitching for 20 hours now. We're brushing our teeth in a public toilet in a service station. I guess there's a first for everything.



7AM
Our next ride is headed south of London, so we're getting a ride to somewhere near Cambridge. Or Bishop's Stortford. I don't really know. I'm at the point where I'm pretty much jumping into a car as long as it's moving, even if I don't really know where it's headed. It's an incredible piece of luck we even managed to get a ride anywhere at 7AM in the morning.

It's been a rough start, with some people pretty much lying to our faces - when we asked them at the station if they were going south they'd tell us no they were headed north, then we'd see their cars take the route south. I get it if they don't wanna take us - three crazy psycho-looking people hitchhiking, I'd be wary myself - but I would really have appreciated it if they'd told us 'no' instead of lying that they were going north instead. Oh well.

8.15AM
Karan woke his cousin in London up and asked her to come pick us up from Birchanger Green Services. She thought Karan was lying or that he was crazy, and Karan had to take a photo of himself standing under the sign that said "BIRCHANGER GREEN" to prove that he wasn't messing with her. Lol. Until she comes by... It's Starbucks time! I'm ready for my morning toffee nut latte!



9AM
Karan's cousin and her friend came to pick us up and I swear they are absolutely the sweetest people alive. She's driving us so far to another service station further south so that we can get another hitch to Dover, which is where the English Channel is nearest to France and where we'll be getting our ferry. We haven't quite decided yet how we're going to do the ferry hitch. Karan's cousin brought us pasta (?! WARM HOT COOKED FOOD?!?!?!) and nice good proper food. I am in love with her already. Why do nice people make me want to cry? :')



I'm really tired, so I'm gonna take a nap I think. Wake me up when we get to Maidstone.

11.30AM
We managed to get a hitch to the port of Dover!!!!!! It's a really nice guy in a little hatchback, and it's absolutely pouring outside. This guy is really nice, he's telling us all about what he wants to do with his life and how he's stuck in a job in insurance and how he can't really just uproot and go do something different because he's got a long-term girlfriend and all that... Well I guess since he's never going to see us ever again, no harm in offloading your worries onto a few strangers eh?

1.15PM
We're hitching in the car of a guy whose car stinks of cigarettes, but at this point I'm not going to complain as long as we're moving. It's a left-hand-drive car, so it's a guy from the EU, I think he's Greek or something. He talks really slowly and seems to have problems speaking in English, so I'm just trying to play along.

We were standing for ages by the side of the road trying to get a hitch off the cars headed up the ferry ramp, until I figured out that we need to register our names with the port and immigration authorities so we needed to ask people who hadn't yet bought their car ferry space. This guy is really hesitant and we could tell he didn't really wanna do it, but we managed to convince him. I'm saying to hell with niceties and playing polite now. IT'S FULL AGRESSIVE MODE.

2PM
THE FERRY IS MOVING! WE'RE GOING TO FRANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy shit this place looks like luxury compared to what we've been doing for the past 29 hours - it's got proper, nice chairs and tables, shops and things like that. It's gorgeous. Gorgeous. Everything just seems so much more amazing because we're all so exhausted right now.




Show the reindeer some love.

I'm kind of terrified that we'll have to hitch at night again like we did by the side in Blythe, so I'm going to buy myself one of those high-visibility vests. Also there are Haribo gummy bears here and I feel like buying them all.

By the way, the guy isn't Greek - he's German. Oops. Hey I couldn't tell - I only had a quick glance at his passport! And both nationalities start with the letter G. That's a horrible excuse.

We're getting to France in just over 2 hours! Yay!

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Ready... Set... Go!

9th November 2012
7.30AM
Last night, I couldn't sleep. I checked and double-checked everything that I'd put into my backpack - in case of any emergencies on the road, you know. I woke up this morning and put my reindeer onesie (£12, Primark) on, complete with little red Rudolph nose. The garbage men collecting trash from the bin shed saw me walk out in my reindeer onesie this morning and started laughing. Bet they thought Christmas came early. Well, at least my goal was achieved - definitely an attention-grabbing costume!

8.30AM
Only half an hour more to go until kick-off. This is crazy - we've got our whiteboards, markers, costumes, and food. We're armed and ready to go! There's a team dressed as a wolf and a fox, and another team dressed as two grannies. One of the grannies is two metres tall and the other granny has a beard. They've both got bags full of sweets, bless them.

10AM
No luck with trying to get trains down to London, I'm afraid. We tried ScotRail, but they don't do trains to London - and East Coast won't let us on although we had the official letter that said it's a charity hitchhike. Bummer. Jasmine won't stop asking if the reason why we can't get on the trains is because she isn't cute enough. I'm not sure if her being cuter or dressing in Hello Kitty ears would make it any more likely that we'd be able to hitch on the trains, though. We're gonna try the buses at St James'.



11.45AM
No luck with the buses either, so we've been walking down London Road trying to thumb it. We haven't got any luck with getting a hitch just yet, but we did meet a guy who did the hitch 16 years ago (isn't it crazy?!) I hope this means good luck's on its way! We also meet a nice guy who gave us a couple of coins when we told him that we were doing this crazy hitch for charity. Seriously though, we've been trying to get out of Edinburgh for three hours already - if we aren't out of this city by 6PM, I'm going home.

12.10PM
AAAAAAAND WE'RE OFF! We finally managed to get ourselves a ride southward - a nice woman who happened to be in Edinburgh for work and was going home to Dunbar. After three hours, I'm just so glad to be finally on the move and headed somewhere, anywhere further south.



2.15PM
We got dropped off at Dunbar and amazingly enough, not three minutes later we got another hitch!!! Fair fortune is shining upon us. Karan insists that his bright green dinosaur costume is what did it, but I wouldn't set too much store by his words, just because it's Karan. We're on our way to Newcastle now, which is so exciting. The girl who's driving us just did a hitch to Paris, herself, so we've already met two ex-hitchers today! We're trying to get tips on how to get hitches and how to make it across the channel.

We also passed two teams along the side of the road while driving.

The views as we're driving along are gorgeous - I can't say I'm complaining at all.



Calvin Harris's Sweet Nothing came on BBC1 radio, and Karan pointed out that when Florence Welch sings the chorus it sounds like 'sexy elephant'. Now all I can hear whenever that song comes on is 'You're giving me sexy elephant.'

I wouldn't really mind being given a sexy elephant as long as we're moving towards Dover.

Morag, who gave us a lift from Dunbar to Newcastle!

We're going to take a short lunch break before heading on.

4.25PM
Not the best of luck so far... We've been trying to hitch our way south of the A1, but no vehicles are stopping. Karan reckons it's because we're at a roundabout, so traffic is moving fast and it's dangerous to stop. Lots of cars are honking at us and drivers are giving us thumbs up, though, so I suppose that's good? We're standing by the side of the autoway - I forced Karan and Jasmine to stand at a lay-by instead of right on the road shoulder, at least. I don't want us being run over by cars. The sun's beginning to set, it's chilly and I don't like it one bit.

5PM
We walked about two kilometres on the side of a road shoulder trying to find the next lay-by, hoping that might be a better stop for trying to get a hitch. My backpack's been weighing on my shoulders for what seems like all day, too, and it hurts. I could really do with a massage, but I'm not getting one standing by the side of the A1. I've got a sleeping bag, though - I'm seriously considering spending the night sleeping by the side of the lay-by... Good god, it's freezing.

It's Jasmine's determined "I AM GETTING A HITCH" face.

Karan Jasmine and I have worked out a sort of strategy for trying to get the attention of drivers - we'll stagger ourselves so that drivers have more chances of seeing us and more time to stop. I hope this works. I just want to be out of here. What happened to people being nice and helping three poor stranded hitchhikers?!

5.45PM
A nice old gentleman picked us up!!! I'm so glad to be in a car again. He used to hitchhike around, too, so he knows what it's like to be stuck going nowhere, I guess. But that was 30 years ago, he said. It's a really nice ride, too - one of those fancy Mercedes-Benz cars, but if you want to know exactly what model you're gonna have to ask Karan the car geek. The gentleman is going to drop us off at a service station where there's light and safety. He's going a bit out of the way for us, too, which is amazingly nice of him. My faith in humankind has been restored!

6.30PM
WE FOUND ANOTHER HITCH TEAM!!!!!! I don't even know who they are but we were just so glad to see someone else that we started hugging each other. (I later found out that their names are Danica and Susan.) It just hit me that we've been at this for more than 9 hours now, and we're still stuck in Newcastle. Fine, we're in a BP service station in Washington which is a little bit south of Newcastle, but it's still Newcastle really. We finally bought a road map of Britain.

Danica and Susan are shuttling in between asking the truck drivers, asking the people at the Burger King nearby, and asking the people filling up their tanks. Karan and Jasmine are just waving the whiteboard near the BP exit and hoping that someone notices them and stops. Lots of trucks are coming through but I think it's going to be hard for them to do three passengers, which really sucks.

That hey-hey song which Karan's been singing all day while trying to thumb it is seriously getting on my nerves. I kind of want to shove him every time he does that stupid song and dance. I think I'm just tired and irritable right now.

8PM
We're off again! I feel bad for leaving Danica and Susan behind, but I'm sure they'll get a ride out of Washington soon enough. The people giving us a lift are headed towards Lincoln, which is pretty darn far south, so I'm really, really happy. Also, I'm getting so tired that it's hard to function.

Beth and Rob, who gave us a lift to Blyth.

I've realised that the majority of our car conversations go something like this:

"So where are you guys headed?"
"We're headed to Amsterdam."
"Amsterdam! Sure it's not for the weed?"
"Ha ha, it's actually a charity hitchhike."
"Oh that's nice, so what charities are you supporting?"
"The Cheetah Conservation Fund and Breakthrough Breast Cancer."
"That's pretty cool. And is this for school?"
"Yeah, we're from the University of Edinburgh. Well, we're from Singapore, but we're here for a year on exchange."
"What are you studying?"
"I'm studying philosophy, she's doing economics and he's doing mechanical engineering."

I can't even remember the number of times I've repeated those lines already.

10PM
We're at a service station in Blyth now - apparently the grannies were just here a while ago, and we reckon they're one of the teams further ahead so we can't be far behind now! It's so hard to get a hitch out of here though. It's freezing cold, I'm wearing a ridiculous reindeer costume, and to top it all off it's just started drizzling. Really. What on earth am I doing with my life? None of the cars are stopping, either. I want to curse in a lot of profanities.

11.15PM
Oh. There's a restaurant behind this petrol station. How is it we did not know this? We're going to go there now and see if we've got any more luck that way. This is a #slitwrist situation.

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Speak Singlish lah

Yesterday I posted this post about Singapore. My friend sent this me this video, which I think is so awesome it's worthy of a post all on its own.

Faster watch already lah.

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7 things you never knew about Singapore

I love Singapore. I was born there, raised there, and educated all my life there. But because we're such an obscure little country in the middle of South-East Asia, barely anyone knows anything about us. So here's a little bit of information for those who might for some reason be curious about our tiny city-state.

#1 Our first language is English.

Curious but true. Lots of people think it's Mandarin Chinese - and indeed, with a 70% ethnically Chinese demographic you might be forgiven for thinking it is. Actually, no, scratch that - never tell a Singaporean "Wow your English is so good!" because you'll just be attracting raised eyebrows. It's the language used in schools, on signboards, at the workplace, and many of us also speak it at home. We're all bilingual, though - depending on our ethnic background (70% Chinese, 15% Malay, 10% Indian, 5% 'others'), we're taught a compulsory second language, such as Mandarin 'Chinese for the ethnically Chinese, Malay for the ethnically Malay and so on. We also speak Singlish, which is a colloquial English pidgin.

And oh, how we love our Singlish (even if the government doesn't).

#2 We have our own passport. And flag, and national anthem.

We aren't part of China, or Malaysia, or any other country. We're an independent nation! We've been independent since 1965 - we were first a British colony, until 1942 when we were occupied by the Japanese during World War II. In 1945 the British returned, although we were granted varying degrees of self-governance from 1955 to 1963. In 1963 we joined the Federation of Malaysia, leaving British rule, although this didn't work out particularly well.

By 1965 we were a fully independent nation, although not by choice (we were unceremoniously booted from the Federation after souring ethnic relations between Malay-majority Malaysia and Chinese-majority Singapore). This is when founding father Lee Kuan Yew famously cried on TV.

Start at 1:22.


So while we may once have been a part of Malaysia, we've never been a part of China. Many ethnically Chinese Singaporeans are descended from south-Chinese immigrants, but only in the same way that many Americans are of Irish heritage. Singapore gahmen*, Singapore style. Can? :)

*a Singlish bastardisation for 'government'

#3 Try finding us on a map. Just try it.

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Given up? Okay, here we are.

#4 It takes 45 minutes to get from one end to the other.

The longest expressway/highway we have is called the Pan Island Expressway (PIE) and it's 41km long. Getting from Changi Airport to Tuas Checkpoint will take you about 45 minutes in smooth traffic. Because Singapore is so small, everything runs fast fast fast, and we've got a brilliant transport system. Our underground rail network is called the Mass Rapid Transport (MRT) system, with trains arriving an average of 3-5 minutes in between. Buses are fast, too. No one really times their departures - if we miss a bus or train, we wait for the next one, no big deal. Just try to avoid rush hour between 6AM-9AM and 6PM-9PM; that's when everyone goes to or comes back from work, and you really don't want to be packed like sardines on your commute.

#5 We use abbreviations a lot.

"The other day, I left my house and drove from the TPE to the PIE, headed towards the CTE to go to KKH to visit a relative who's in the ICU. Then sway sway kena traffic jam because some goondu driver go and buang another car. The accident so serious that got SCDF and TP come down to the scene. Everybody drive slow slow to copy the license plate number so later can buy 4D. Jam nevermind! After that kena ERP! Not one but two! Alamak! Total $3 leh! I already see my MP to complain: why LTA put so many ERP everywhere? I buy car, COE already so expensive my POSB already no money. Now everything so expensive. Stupid PAP lah! Everything also want us to pay and pay. Somemore my CPF already no money. I go CDC but government say I not poor enough - go ask FSC for help maybe better. Why no money? Because I used my CPF-OA to buy a HDB BTO in AMK, and took a loan from OCBC. Regret sia. So expensive. Stay CCK cheaper. If I want to pay that kind of price, I should have bought a DBSS or an EC. Hai... At least my HDB nearby got NTUC, CC, KFC, LJS, AXS, and GV. URA plan also good. Next time got one LRT station also! But then hor, now public transport also kena sai. SMRT and SBS bus and train also break down. Now rain also got flood, but PUB say never flood, only ponding. Where got such nonsense? The minister should go TTSH and check his eyes or go IMH to check his head. Nowadays, PAP bring in so many FT. More than half from PRC. Then make them work until so hard they strike. Donno what MOM think they doing sia. Worse still, nowadays, I read the ST from SPH, everyday got NSF die left, right, centre. Want to ORD also cannot ORD, but instead go RIP. Maybe I go stay JB better."

* Credits to Jonathan Sim for this amazing show of Singlish!

#6 We love our food.

Eating and shopping are our national hobbies - we have a ton of shopping malls and we love our laksa, rojak, chicken rice, oyster omelettes, sambal stingray, and everything else you can find at hawker centres. We've got an amazing food scene because of the way that our demographic (70% Chinese, 15% Malay, 10% Indian, 5% Eurasian or 'others') has brought so many food cultures into a melting pot of Uniquely Singapore food. Make no mistake - the way to a Singaporean's heart is through his/her stomach.

I have known my parents to drive for 40 minutes into heavy traffic just to get fish soup on the other side of the island.

~Image

Supper in Singapore doesn't mean food at 7PM - it means the meal after dinner, what is known in Mandarin Chinese as 宵夜 (xiāo yè). It's the fourth meal of the day, after breakfast lunch and dinner. Hawker centres will stay open past midnight for late-night diners.

I think Singaporean food is the best in the world... But then again, I'm Singaporean, so of course I'm right. Ha ha ha!

#7 We thunderstorm an average of 171 days a year.

So if you ever decide to drop by, either prepare for this:

Or this:

Either way, you'll want an umbrella.

Want to know more about our little red dot? Maybe you should come visit.

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